I was in the lobby of the Fine Arts Center, sipping my coffee, when a teacher passed me and said, “Not many more Mondays! Yay!”
She had a huge grin on her face as she headed for the stairs.
I smiled, raised my mug, and said, “Not many!”
That’s not what I wanted to say. What I wanted to say was, “Really? This is what you’re dreading? A beautiful spring morning at a fine arts high school teaching super talented kids who all want to be here? Yeah- Heaven forbid we have many of those types of Mondays left!”
I didn’t though. That would have been dickish, and dickishness is something I try to avoid at all costs. Besides, if I am disturbed, it usually because something is going on with me, and this chipper lady, looking forward to dipping her toes in the ocean seven Mondays from now doesn’t deserve my wrath.
And something is going on. I found out Friday that this cough I’ve had is definitely the cancer recurring. It’s causing a thickening of the lining of my lung and that space is making it harder for the oxygen to get where it needs to go, hence the cough, hence the shortness of breath. The only solution to that is more chemotherapy, so as of right now, in two weeks I’ll be back in the saddle again. This is what made this anti-Monday comment so annoying.
Because the thing is- I’ve said that very same thing! How many times have I sat on my couch late on a Sunday evening, dreading the week that was about to begin. That’s why they put all the best shows are on Sunday night- Game of Thrones, Sopranos, football. They allow us one last moment of escape before the alarm goes off on Monday morning. That’s why I can’t listen to the opening credits of 60 Minutes, that ‘tick tick tick’ without thinking- fuck- they’re just counting down the seconds until Monday. That’s what I think! Not- “What a beautiful Sunday evening I get to spend relaxing with the people I love.” No- it’s disgust about the Monday to come.
Even this morning. Even with the news of it coming back, when Jaimie got out of bed at 7:15am my first thought was, “Do I have to do this?” Do what?? Live??? Work?? Be a part of life??? You certainly don’t have to. You get to! Now go hack up a lung, hop in the shower, and start your day you ungrateful dolt.
Because my day is incredible. I get to write, outside in the sunshine. I get to teach. I get to go to Furman and watch my solo show students perform their final scenes. I get to go to a callback and act with some really talented people. Then I get to fall asleep with Jaimie.
And that’s pretty freaking good.
Especially for a Monday.