Am I the Only One?

April 23, 2020

I thought time would go slower. 


It is just me? Am I the only one who thought this lock down would have some affect on how quickly time was moving? That it would slow it down a skosh?


I  recognize that as naive. I know that not being able to get a table for six at Applebees, or TJ Maxx being closed has no impact on how I or any of us experience the illusion of time. 


But actually, that’s not true! This lockdown or quarantine or whatever it is that we are experiencing/living through has actually done the opposite. It has made time move faster. Something I didn’t think that was physically possible! 


Is it just me? Am I the only one? 


And here is the truly messed up thing—I believe that time moving fast is a sign that I am living my life right. According to my therapist, one of the side effects of cancer is that it can thrust you into an existential crises. One of the ways to combat an existential crises to fill your life with things that give it meaning. And I have. I do. Every single day. Even days that appear crappy on the surface. Like yesterday we had to drive to Buford, GA to get my usual twelve week CT scan, and on the way back we had a side of the road picnic next to Lake Jocassee.


Filling my life with meaning has made the last six months of my life extraordinary, and it’s also what has made them go by in the blink of an eye.


This last month in particular! Thanks to not being able to leave my house, I’ve had the opportunity to center my life even more. I recognize it as a gift—I teach so I can work from home. But by having everything superfluous in my life be taken away, I’ve filled it even more with the things I love to do. Writing. Spending time with Jaimie. Talking to my family and friends. Performing—even if just on YouTube. Promoting my book. Even my television watching has been carefully curated to only include the things I love. And the one thing I am watching that I don’t love—I’m looking at you The Bachelor’s Listen to Your Heart—even that gives me something to laugh with Jaimie about.  


Maybe I should go to jail for bit? Commit a little crime? Order a Frappuccino and drive off without paying? That sounds like the most victim less crime imaginable. 


What a paradox. What a cruel little joke the universe plays. Be happy—and watch the time fly away. Watch moments come and go so quickly it you can barely touch, much less hold onto for even a fleeting second.


Is it just me? Am I the only one?




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