The Magic Pill?

July 10, 2020

Everything has an order This was the main thing I got from the Palliative Care team yesterday. Everything. Has. An Order. Again, I’ve been looking for the, “Take this one pill and all your problems will go away,” solution, but I don’t think that exists. 


I got there in the morning and laid out all my pills for the doctor and she went through them all. We got an order and made out a plan.We increased some dosages for certain things, shorted the time between when I took them. That is important information for the patient to know. Your doctor knows it all, obviously, but he’s also got a billion things on this mind. He needs the other teams as much as we do.


So we got the order and the dosage right. She also added a med called Remeron. It’s an anti-depressant you take once a night and it’s supposed to help you sleep and increase your appetite.. Hmmm….,  I asked her to repeat herself one more time. This medicine, make you fall asleep and apparently wake up happy and starving? Where has this medicine been, like, forever? Good morning! I’m no longer sleepy and sad, and now I want pancakes. Sounds perfect.


I was really excited about taking it, so I did it exactly as is was prescribed. 


At about 830 I took an Atavin, just to stat calming down, as was suggested. Then when we finished the very last episode of Friday Night Lights, I took the Remeron and had Jaimie go and get the bed ready. Within 15 minutes I was FAST asleep. Then at about 45 minutes, I needed to get up and use the restroom and I was drenched with sweat. I was a literal puddle. Thank God Jaimie is married to me because if she had felt that and had a place to go I would have made her leave. 


And the worst thing is, the Remeron that was supposed to last a full 8 hours, lasted all of 45 minutes. I just couldn’t get back to sleep. So I was back to my old habits. The Atavin and the dilaudid. As prescribed, of course. And I dozed off here and there but it wasn’t the power sleep I was hoping. But nothing is what I am hoping right now so I thing I just need to feel things out, see what they are before I make any projections. Make Remeron is shy at first. Maybe these things need time. It’s just strange taking so much medicine. It’s not what I wanted to do, but when you’re faced with pain its interesting how quickly and how far you’ll push the envelope of what you wanted to to,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                But I’ll be back at it tonight. Maybe losing the top sheet. That seems like a good place to start. 



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