“You might feel like you’re wetting the table,” the nurse said to me. “You mean it’s going to feel like I’m peeing on myself?” I clarified. Shocked that at 38 I had a legitimate reason to ask that question. “Yes, peeing on yourself,” the nurse replied, further cementing this as one of the weirder conversations of my life. “But don’t worry, you won’t be.” Thank you for believing in me? I guess? The reason we were having this conversation was because they were about to shoot dy

Sometimes symbolism taps you on the shoulder; sometimes it slaps you right in the face. Jaimie has gotten really into puzzles recently. Like the jigsaw kind. Here’s what happened: about a month ago, on a Saturday afternoon, we were at Goodwill, just, you know…browsing. I asked her what she wanted to do later that night and out of the blue she said, “I want to do a puzzle.” “A puzzle?” I said. “Yes,” she replied. I pressed further. “Like the jigsaw kind?” “Yes,” she said, “the

This week is treatment number five. I’m a third of the way through, and that means it’s time for tests. Three to be exact: two MRIs and a CT scan. This Monday. With the results on Wednesday. I feel like I’m about to get a report card on my body. Like If I get all A’s, we are going out for pizza! If I don’t get all A’s… we’re still getting pizza because why the hell not. I expect them to be good because, not to brag, but people can’t stop telling me how great I look. Apparentl

I’m trying to learn how to pray better. Now to the atheists reading this blog, I hear your eyes rolling. And it’s fine. Sometimes praying feels like the most ridiculous thing in the world. But the fact is I feel better when I do it, and, if I’m going to do it, I feel like I should at least try and figure out what the fuck I’m doing. Right now most of my praying time consists of me sitting there with my eyes closed, waiting for the coffee to be ready, like: Me: Thank you God f

I’ve noticed that having something as pressing as cancer has made being upset about other things difficult. Like the other day, someone cut me off in traffic, and I wanted to honk at them but remembered their bad driving was the least of my problems. So, I just took a deep breath and smiled. Therefore, I think the key to being positive is having no other options. I say this as a positive person. But maybe the reason I spend so much time looking at the bright side is because t

I had to go to Myspace to find this picture, but I feel like it is a good visual representation of one of the biggest side effects I’ve felt so far. I first noticed it when I was driving back from Target. I didn't really know how to describe it. I had to look to my left five times before I could turn right. Like I saw that the coast was clear, but I didn’t trust that it was. I told my girlfriend it felt like I had taken 9 Sudafeds. Not that I have ever taken 9 Sudafeds, but i

One of the possible side effects for chemo is lowering your fertility. So for men of my age who get cancer they suggest that you freeze some of your guys, aka Cryopreservation, aka Sperm banking. That’s the term they most frequently use. I don’t like it. Sounds like something that happens during fraternity rush week. “Ok- first step- sperm banking. Next step- alcohol poisoning. Brothers for life!” Now as the doctor is telling me this my parents are, of course, sitting in the

In 1998 I backpacked across Europe. My friend and I had taken an over night train from Munich to Venice and we got there early, like 6 or 7 in the morning. Our hotel was on the opposite side of town from the train station so we walked through the streets of Venice right as the city was waking up. The shop owners were opening their doors, saying hello to their neighbors, having their first espressos and cigarettes of the day. All these people, starting their day together. The