At 8:20 we finally left the house. Our secret Lazy Goat reservation was at 8:30. The earliest we could make it downtown was 8:35, but the restaurant had twenty minute grace period. I thought about waiting until after dinner to ask her, but I had told them we were celebrating our engagement and I couldn’t run the risk of them congratulating us on something that had not yet happened. That would be horrible. They’d say congratulations, Jaimie would say what for, and I’d have to

The emails from Etsy kept coming faster than I could stop them. They were letting her know the ring was ready. That the ring had been shipped. That the ring had arrived. I felt like Julius Caesar in reverse. “I came. I saw. I ruined the surprise.” I was continuing my attempts at gaslighting. I was determined to keep the lie going no matter what. I felt just like Kellyanne Conway. “Someone must have hacked your account,” I said. “Oh really? They hacked my account to let me kno

“Remember our Netflix system?” Jaimie asked. (Quick reminder of our Netflix system. I choose three movies I’m cool with watching, Jaimie makes the final selection. It basically saves relationships. For full context go read yesterday’s blog.) “How about I show you three rings that I love, and you pick the one you like.” As the words left her mouth, I swear that the Hallelujah Chorus started playing. Light shined from the heavens. She gives me three options and I just have to p

So Jaimie and I have a system. It’s a system we use to avoid one of the major pitfalls of the modern relationship. That pitfall being finding a movie or a television show to watch on Netflix. Everybody’s been there. You and your loved one are snuggling on the couch, still full from dinner. You decide to take a few minutes to find something to watch for the evening. That few minutes turns into a couple of hours and one of you ends up drunk sitting on the other end of the couch

The Engagement. Part 1. __________ These next few blogs are going to have a common theme as I try to make sense and put into context what happened over the weekend. Because on Friday night, Jaimie and I got engaged. Engaged! Holy shit it feels so strange to see it typed out in front of me. Since we live together it’s easy to make it seem like getting engaged is not that big a deal. But it is. It’s huge! It means I now have to learn the difference between fiancé and fiancee. T

“What are dreams?” This was the first question I asked my therapist yesterday. I could have asked him about the three appointments that I had had this week. About the conflicting opinions from my doctors over the meaning of my scans. I could have shared with him my worries about the Amazon rain forest burning and how the world wide right wing nationalist movement seems hell bent on destroying the Earth on which we live. But no. I asked him about dreams. There was a reason for

You want to feel old? Go teach high school. A student told me I had a good Facebook Mom Meme energy. I had no idea what that meant, but I failed them immediately. _________ Students usually like to wear a new outfit for the first day of school. I know I did. I’d have a crisp new shirt from Marshalls. Some pants from TJ MAxx. But I teach at a performing arts high school, so my students new outfits consist of mismatched socks and head bands topped with cat ears. I was like, “Yo

I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night. It's been happening this past week. 3, 4 o’clock in the morning. One minute I’ll be asleep and the next second- BOOM! Eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling, the only sounds the fan and the white noise app on my iPhone. I can’t say that I enjoy it. It’s a new occurrence for me, this waking up in the middle of the night. I’m on a new antibiotic to see if this thing in my lung is an infection of some sort. I’m blaming this new phe

Steve Martin said that when he turned 60 his long term goals turned into his short term plans. I think that’s sound advice for everyone. Is there something you want to do in the future? Well guess what- you have no idea what that future is going to look like. Do that shit now. ______ When facing an existential crisis, you have to focus on things that give your life meaning. That’s what my therapist told me. “Am I having an existential crisis,” I asked him. His reply was, “Wha

Does anyone else feel super guilty when they wish someone Happy Birthday on Facebook and go right by whatever charity the person is raising money for? I just wanted to type Happy Birthday on your wall. Why you gotta bring United Way into this? ________________ School is officially here! I know this because everyone is posting “first day” pictures of their kids, and it’s making me feel old AF. That means As Freak if you’re my mother reading this. It’s crazy. I’m sitting, scrol