14,166 Days- 9/5

Walked around downtown Greenville on Sunday. I was going up some stairs and there was a family in front of me. The dad says to his friend, “Parenting is a tough business,” and then he picked his kid up and carried him up the stairs. As he did this I noticed that the kid was still wearing a diaper. This kid had been walking and talking in front of me for like three blocks. It confused me because I’m not quite sure when kids stop wearing diapers. Are they talking and still shitting in their pants? I feel like if a kid can ask to have his diaper changed it’s time to stop wearing a diaper? Yes? No? Is that crazy?

Basically I’m saying is that I think it’s time for two year olds to get their act together. They’ve been here almost 800 days. It’s time.

Side bar- If a two year old is almost 800 days old, that means I’m 14,166.

Maybe we should think of our life in days instead of years. Maybe it would shift our perception of time in a positive way. You tell me I have another 39 years to live, I might put things off until tomorrow. Tell me I’ve only got 10,000 more days and each one becomes that much more precious.

So I’m down to my final two treatments. I’ll do some maintenance for a while but as far as the big guns go… I’ll be done. Not that two isn’t a lot. The last couple of ones have been a lot harder then the first eight, and I’m imagining these last two will be more of the same. It’s like when I used to drive back to New York from South Carolina. The first 700 miles were easy. But those last 20, dealing with New Jersey, trying to get through the tunnel, were the worst.

Basically what I’m saying is that chemotherapy is like getting through the Holland Tunnel.

I know I should be focusing on each day as they come, but it’s impossible not to think about the flip side.

I know I should focus on one day at a time but as crazy as it has been to go through this process, it’s even crazier to think that it will soon be over.

Because the next big question is… now what?

Come the first week of October, I feel like I have one job and one job only- not letting this thing come back. And is that something I’m even in charge of? Is it like a ticking time bomb inside of me? Can I go vegan or start using cannabis oil or chanting to keep it at bay? How do I get it not to come back? How do I keep cells in my body from mutating again?

That’s a tough business. But it’s the next phase of my life, whether I like it or not. And hopefully it will be a long one.

Another 14,166 days if you got ‘em.