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Day 21

Last night I had a dream that I was smoking a blunt with Jay Leno. I woke up and thought, “It must be time for chemo.”

It is time. I’m writing this from the chair. This is my fifteenth round overall, third for this cycle. The plan is to do six and take a scan. If/when that scan looks good, we will reassess our treatment options.

The day before the infusion has become special. Last April, the night before the first one, it felt like the night before the first day of school. We disinfected every inch of the house. We packed a cooler. Now we are old pros. There’s a calmness about the house. A ritual to getting the space ready.

Jaimie vacuumed and did all the laundry. She laid out comfy clothes for me to wear, got a trash can ready in case I need it. She set up a table beside the bed for my computer so I can fall asleep to bad TV. This time I think it’s going to be that show Ballers, on HBO. Seems dumb enough for me to follow.

While she was doing that I got the kitchen in order. Put my applesauces and Ensures where I can reach them. Laid out my medicines on the counter. I drank water, hydrating myself for the next two days. Then around 6:30 I went on run. I enjoy my runs so much more the night before an infusion. I realize that they’re not a chore. They’re a pleasure, enjoyed by few. Hot summer flowers filled the air while fresh cut grass provided the base notes. I stretched by the pool as the sun began to set. Enjoy feeling good, I reminded myself over and over again. Enjoy feeling good.

I’ve become pretty strict with my diet, but the night before infusions has become a bit of a cheat night. Two weeks ago we had Chinese food. Last night we ordered pizza and ate it in front of the television.

It was all so beautifully normal.

We got into bed, my home base for the next two days. We looked at our phones and I quickly fell asleep.

Where I got stoned with Jay Leno.

Must be time for chemo.

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