I’ve noticed that when things go haywire, I like to have a schedule to cling to.
This need has made these past week challenging, considering the fact that all sense of order and schedule is gone. I know other people are feeling this, but for me it’s particularly intense. Not only have I got the social distancing along with everyone else, but I’ve got one week left of medical leave because of the radiation. Even if work was open I couldn’t be there. And if that wasn’t enough, yesterday was Sunday! A religiously sanctioned day of rest. Made all the more intense by the fact that church itself wasn’t open. God and state and my own freaking body were teaming up and telling me to chill the fuck out.
So yesterday I spent the day doing whatever I wanted.
And it was incredible.
I had the most wonderful morning writing and making eggs. Jaimie woke up and we hung out on the couch while I worked on the final proofs for my book. I made sausage and peppers for dinner and then we watched this super fun movie called Fast Colors. It was just the two of us, husband and wife, on an island of love and stability in this world that feels like it’s spinning out of control.
It was such a great day that when I woke up this morning I felt sad. It felt like the most Monday Monday of all time. I shot my friend Adam a text, telling him how sad this Monday felt. He agreed, and I was glad I wasn’t alone.
I made my coffee, sat on the couch and opened the door to the patio. What was the world trying to tell me? What was I meant to learn from this crisis? Maybe it’s to bring the things that make me happy into every day of my life. How can I make my Mondays as happy and fulfilled as a Sunday spent on the couch with Jaimie?
So I took a shower and got dressed. Proper dressed. With pants and fun fancy socks. I did my morning readings and meditated with the patio door open, the fresh air hitting my face and neck.
And then I wrote. It’s the work I love the most. I put the final proofs on the book (Hope in the Time of Chemo, coming May 1st. Pre-order now!) and I’ve spent this afternoon writing this blog.
That’s what I’ve learned. That’s the schedule I need to cling to. Jaimie and words and writing about this life I’ve been given. That’s my schedule. That’s what I love. It’s so obvious when everything goes away.
I’d love to hear from you! Faced with free time and the lack of a schedule, what have you done more of? What has faded away? What will you bring back and more importantly, what will you let go of forever?