“If you don’t love a picture of yourself, wait ten years.”
-Something Lauren Duffie said once.
I love social media.
I know that’s not a popular opinion. I know as a Gen-Xer I’m supposed to hate everything. I know as a brooding, intense writer I’m supposed to be a contrarian and tear down what everyone else is doing.
I am happy to report that for the majority of my life, I have! I’ve hated almost everything popular! My freshman year of college the album Crash by the Dave Matthews Band was the sound track of my dorm, and whilst “Tripping Billies” was pouring out of every suite, I was fighting back, blasting “Electioneering” by Radiohead.
But I’ve never been able to maintain any level of hostility towards social media. I’ve always been a fan. Despite the fact that it is probably— and by probably I mean definitely—ruining our democracy. I know it is exposing our feedback loops and laying bare to the world our inability to distinguish truth from fiction. Not to mention the fact that they’ve gotten rich selling all of our information without giving us a dime for it.
Despite all that—I love it.
This lock down has made me love sosh meeds (social media) even more. It’s given me a way to hang out with everyone. As an extreme extrovert, this has been a life saver. I’ve had IM conversations with people I haven’t spoken to in years, I’ve stolen baking tips and recipe suggestions. I’ve watched you all become much better at plating. And I’m not saying that the negative out-weighs the positive, but I am suggesting that there is a positive there. I mean without Facebook would any of us have watched Tiger King?? And then watched Joel McHale interview Tiger King celebrities? I think not.
It also gives me a way to make fun of people. Don’t get me wrong—I love being positive. I love building people up. But I also tearing people down. It’s the left over residue of a decade of stand up comedy.
These past few days have given me plenty to make fun of. So I’m going to take a break from my inspirational posts and stir the pot. I’m going to wade into public controversy, much like I did with last August with the parking wars.
Here it is. My controversial opinion: We have got to stop posting our graduation pictures “in solidarity” with the Class of 2020!
#1. How is this solidarity? Chances are these people aren’t going to be able to graduate! It’s like saying, “Oh I’m so sorry you didn’t get to have a birthday party. You know what might make you feel better? Pictures of my amazing birthday party! I got a party, a ton of cash, and a trip to Steak and Ale!” If someone had a trip to Cancun cancel would you then show them the pictures of your trip to Cancun? How would make them feel any better??
#2. I teach high school. None of these Class of 2020 Seniors are on Facebook. Oh sure, they’re “on” Facebook. They have accounts, but they are all lies. It’s just so they can trick their families into thinking that they’re good kids! The Class of 2020 is on social media sites people on Facebook can’t even fathom. We don’t want to be on Tik Tok. We don’t want to know about Spam, Finsta accounts. And you can just thank your lucky stars that you have no idea what Kik was.
Trust me on that.
3. We all need to admit that posting your graduation pictures is not some altruistic act. Stop acting like Mother Teresa of Calcutta out here in these streets, and just admit that you want the world to see how hot you were at 17. I would rather you be honest and say, “Screw you Class of 2020! We were young once too!”
Because we were. We were all hot and young a long time ago.
You’ve shared the pictures to prove it.